Teacher Diaries: Preparing for Student Teaching!

First: FINALS ARE DONE!!! My last undergraduate finals ever!!

Okay, on to the next thing: Those who know me, know that, especially when I'm nervous or stressed, I can be obsessively organized and almost never too prepared. Mind you, these aren't inborn traits--they were faithfully taught me by my mother (doesn't it always seem to go that way?) over many, many, MANY years--or at least 20-something! ;)

Anyways, I have this problem, because I deal with life by organizing everything super-obsessively. Now maybe this is good, maybe it's bad; but that's how I've survived college so it works! However, this big thing is coming down the road:

STUDENT TEACHING.

And nowhere can I find any good resource for organizing one's life during student teaching! The main theme seems to be "just survive." Which is good, but...it lacks in detail somewhat...

So I'm going to adapt some teacher organization ideas and create an organizing thing (or more than one...). And hopefully post some of it here for the benefit of any poor student teacher out there who stumbles across this part of the world. :) Also going to post some of the more odd/probably-unique-only-to-me things that I'm doing--because I'm hoping to use student teaching as a practice time to figure out how to do this next semester in real life!

Stay tuned! :)

Surrender: A Prayer

"Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part from them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of sun to shine in it, for Thyself will be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' Name, Amen." ~ A.W. Tozer 

A friend shared this--I thought it was very powerful. May we be willing to make a total surrender to Him!

Today's Thoughts

From prayer group...

1 Corinthians 13:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.8 Love never ends. ..."

And 1 John 4:8:

"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."

So any time we see the word "love" in 1 Corinthians 13, we could replace it with "God." "God is patient and kind; He does not envy or boast; He is not arrogant or rude. God does not insist on His own way; He is not irritable or resentful; He does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

"God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

All things, for our sakes. That some of us might turn and be with Him forever.

Lord, thank You for Your incredible love. Teach me to love as You do!

Thanksgiving

• For a long technology break...
• Long hikes in the Smokies...
• Snow on the mountains...
• Safe trip home...
• Two weeks left before finals!...
• Music with family...
• A new hobby...
• Warm sun through window...
• Seeing my animals again :) ...
• Wonderful friends...
• Family...

Father, we I thank thee!

[Pre-] Teacher Diaries: Approaching the End!

This week at work the schedule for Winter semester is up.

We always fill out any time we can work and then someone puts all the options together, sort of like a giant jigsaw puzzle, so all of us office assistants get times we can work and a total number of hours that works for us.

But this time, my name's not on that paper. I'm going to be student teaching, and since I can afford not to work during student teaching (due to lots of saving and lots of scholarships--a big blessing!), I won't be working next semester.

Going to feel weird. I've worked every semester, even methods block. The past couple years, I've been working 15-16 hours a week. I wrote down that I will be back in May, just to make myself feel better. ;)

We have to apply for admission to student teaching, too. I've turned in everything and my interview is this evening. I'm still waiting impatiently for a grade on my portfolio (it should have been graded last Sunday!), but at least they haven't sent it back to me for revisions, so I'm assuming it passed in some way or other. :)

A week and a half and Thanksgiving, then two weeks and finals, and then Christmas break. And then student teaching. And resumes, job interviews, and hopefully, finally, a job.

Scared, and excited, and can't wait!

Thoughts on Teaching

...For some reason the video won't move to the bottom, where I want it. So anyways. It's a good song, listen to it. ;)

This week have been thinking about teaching. And teachers. Especially those of us who are young Christian teachers just getting out of school--but also older teachers. . .

We have a great Christian educational system here in the States. Trained teachers, (generally) supportive parents, good kids, good resources--we update our resources and textbooks and everything and it's just great. Kids can go to Pre-K through college in Christian education; it costs a LOT but you can do it. And of course then there is our favorite homeschooling, which I still entirely consider Christian education!

And just FYI please, please do NOT consider the following to be down-playing those who are SM's or career missionaries teaching without a teaching licensure or training. I admire you all like you cannot know and I pray for you all. I can't imagine doing what you're doing. God bless you!!

But, for teachers: Why are we not taking our training and what we know, and stretching it a little, and taking it outside our familiar comfort zone? Why do children in Christian schools in another country not get our long-term skills and our practice and even our resources? Think about it. If our students here had to deal with half the things students in other countries do--and I'm not even talking about physically or environmentally--we'd have parents at our throats 24/7. Just something to consider. Consider and pray about.

All of which is just to say that if you find me in Zimbabwe next year, you'll know why. . .

Really Live

Alaska's a good place to really live. ;) 

--Random thoughts inspired by my tutoring session yesterday--

I'm continually amazed (and shocked) by how infrequently kids are really living their lives richly and joyfully. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since I guess it's rather infrequent that adults live life richly . . . but really. Why is it any sort of funny/pleasant/positive thing for you to tell me that you sleep all day on the weekend, because your mom's watching TV and you don't want to watch the shows she does? Why?

I have a professor (we will call her Dr. B; any of my Ed. major friends will know who it is ;) ) who teaches most of our reading/literacy classes. She is always emphasizing that we as teachers need to live as readers and writers if we ever expect our students to become enthusiastic and good readers and writers.

I think she's right. But not to just live as readers, or as writers--we need to live as whole people. As writers, and readers, and mathematicians, and scientists. As musicians and artists and athletes. As hikers, runners, ornithologists, mountain climbers . . . whatever you are, do it. Do it wholeheartedly and with love and passion.

"Live to the hilt every situation you know to be the will of God."

It's contagious, a life like that. Even if your friends and students and family don't understand why you choose that vocation or hobby or . . . calling of God . . . there's something irresistible about a life that's "all there."

And if it's contagious in things of hobbies, so much more so in things of God. I believe a lot of kids brought up in Christian families and Christian schools leave because they see adults who "have" to teach or live a certain way. Not those who are really living it. How can we--how can I--live wholeheartedly and completely for God?

[Pre-] Teacher Diaries: Last Classroom Semester

So wow, this semester has been full.

Plato, Aristotle, Locke, Rousseau, Dewey. Education. Papers. Huge tests that praise God, I did a lot better on than I expected!

Research projects, in the classroom. Fifth-grade classroom. So. much. paperwork. All my placements this semester, except P.E., are in fifth grade--ha!

Reading assessments. So. Many. reading assessments! Classroom observations, anecdotal notes, now two kids to tutor. One is probably the lowest reading level in her class; the other is probably the most disengaged. This is going to be fun!

P.E. classes, fitness activities, games, teaching kids how to hop. Do we really have to teach kids how to hop these days?! What has the world come to?!

Twelve-page World Religions papers, studying all kinds of religions. Grateful for a Christian perspective. Wondering where God's call will lead, later on. . .

Flying paper planes with little boys at work (no it's not part of my "normal" work, but hey, you do what you gotta do!). Chats with wise friends about student missions and what-after-college and all those things good seniors talk about. ;)

Now a very full weekend with GYC-SE meetings and Sunday convocation and school Apple Festival. The race never ends. . . on the other hand, I tell myself it is good preparation for working in a small school later on. :)

How Much?

Something I've been thinking about lately...

A strained, forced recitation of truth because "I ought to" rarely does much to convince anyone.

Neither does an argumentative, sarcastic debate. And really, even being given something out of pity can be offensive to many.

And few of those methodologies produce much action or growth on the part of the initiator. But . . . even I (infamously private about the things I'm passionate about) will tell someone about the things I can't imagine living without, how they make my life 200% better. And telling someone about how good those things are, well, it makes me want to go spend more time doing them, too.

How long before I will let myself love Jesus enough that I can't imagine life without Him?

And love Him enough that He's something I can't imagine anyone else living life without?

[Pre-]Teacher Diaries: Last Year

Well it is the last semester of regular classes.

Next semester is student teaching.

Coming up so fast!

This semester for some reason is being super hard. I think a combination of senioritis and hard classes and still trying to make friends in a new group.

But you know what, He is still there. And every day He finds some way to remind me: This is not where you are to stay. This is only a step in the road.

And even if I have no earthly clue what is going to happen after this year? That's okay. 'Cause He's got it.

So, one day at a time! I am off to read more classical education theory, write P.E. lesson plans, and get ready for Remediating Reading Difficulties!

Missed

It's dinnertime, and everyone gathers together to eat. Around the old, well-used table they sit, happy to be done with another day, perhaps laughing over an inside family joke, perhaps sighing in relief to be home. Home where each belongs, where each is valued more deeply than anything else. Home--in its truest sense--is one strong word.

Chairs fill as they gather and everyone is here. But...not everyone is here. A chair is empty. Barren. A hole in the circle 'round the table. And the mood saddens a little as each realizes that the circle is incomplete.

The family's incomplete when one is missing. Even if it's just for a day, just for a meal.

But when they're missing for years? For decades? That's years and decades worse.

Could it be--I think it is--that every day there are empty spaces around a big well-used table where we belong? And that every day the rest of the family's mood saddens a little because the circle's incomplete?

"And the Spirit and the bride say 'Come!'...He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I am coming quickly.'" (Rev. 22:16, 20)

You are missed. I am missed.

Every day we're here, and not there. There, where we belong. There, where everyone was meant to belong.

It's almost time to go home. May we each want to go home, to our real home, forever!

Welcome

Perhaps you know the feeling too...

We walk into one home--a simple, tiny, rented house of three college-age roommates--and we all plop down on the old couch, or crowd into the kitchen to provide an overabundance of cooks and fruit-and-veggie-choppers, and everyone chats with everyone else, and even I (a bit shy in new groups) feel like I've found my second family. Welcome.

We walk into another home--a bigger, family-owned house, with redone kitchen and furnishings new and sparkly--and people hover around the edges, eventually sit down in a friend-group here, a friend-group there, and "family" is a thing reserved for those already in, not extended to the new ones. Not so welcome.

The point of these little stories?

It's the people that make the welcome.

And people with His heart give the best welcomes.

Father, please give me Your heart for all your children--old and young--to love them and welcome them into Your kingdom!

Boundaries: A Question

Some boundaries are good.

Flowers bloom, produce seeds--and then stalk fades, plant ceases to bloom, and does (apparently) nothing for rest of the year.

Trees drop leaves and are dormant through winter. Some can't even produce fruit without that dormant phase.

Ocean and river ebb and flow and stay (mostly) within bounds--when they overflow, we all run to higher ground.

Jesus told His disciples to "come away and rest a while."

But, some boundaries are bad.

Wild animals are fearful, even dangerous when we get too close.

Friends take time away and soon there's no longer much of a friendship at all.

We put up mental "walls" against ideas, against people, against thoughts--and soon discover a prison of our own making.

Jesus praised the lavish giver, the one who poured out without counting the cost.

How can one know the difference?

Priorities: Time

Stars sparkle between the clouds that are finally scudding away. Half a moon, slanting toward the west, shines sleepily through the trees. Even the night insects chirp more slowly. The birds doze in their nests. A breeze sweeps slowly across the lake and up the mountainside. Leaves flutter. Far off, an owl cries.

A leaf crunches suddenly, and a single figure slips among the trees. The steps are unhurried, but eager. Part way up the slope, it pauses, and in the shadowy half-moon light turns face toward the sky.

In the still night air the words float, quiet but ringing with unconcealed relief and joy to finally, finally, be here and be able to speak unfettered.

"My Father. . ."

"Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daybreak, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed." (Mk. 1:35)

 ---------

How much would I give to speak with God? Do I prioritize my time to make sure I have time to keep that connection alive? I'm afraid not much...

Reality: Beauty and Ugliness

(Inspired by Heidi's recent post)

We often talk about "being real," in cyberspace and in real life. By which is generally meant that you don't "gloss over" the not-so-great parts of your life.

I've nothing wrong with that. Only One has ever been completely holy, and even He was not always perfectly happy...there's nothing bad about admitting things are ugly sometimes. We live in a war zone. War zones are ugly. It's expected.

But too often "being real" deteriorates into a sad sort of "woe-is-me" attitude, bemoaning one's difficulties and "first-world problems," and trying to get others to feel sorry.

Which is sad, because if that's what you see as "being real," then that's what's really inside you.

Everyone has struggles, of course. But some fight them unceasingly, and others give up...and others, by God's grace, rise above them and see and live in the beauty that is.

What if what was really inside you was:

This is going on right now and I hate it. But this other thing is also going on and it's beautiful. And I [rock-bottom, 100%, not-just-a-platitude] KNOW God is going to pull me through and the end of this ugliness will be beauty!

Yeah. I can't do that. You can't do that.

But He can. Shall we accept His offer?

"Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb. 12:2)

"Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our  Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (Neh. 8:10)

Little Girl With the Sticker

I don't know how old she was. I don't even remember her name. And I haven't seen her since that day six (or was it seven?) years ago. Probably won't see her ever again.

I do remember her shy smile, her tangled-almost-matted hair, and the sticker on the middle of her forehead.

I remember how she tagged after me, borrowed my camera, sat beside me, squeezed behind me to throw little arms around my neck, begged to have her picture taken, asked me to sit in the shade with her and take pictures.

I said, "Later."

Because I was fifteen years old and my "best" friend, G, had a bigger following of girls at the school in Belize and I wanted to be with G and I wanted to have all the girls follow me like she did and I didn't have that much time for one little girl who just wanted to sit in the shade and take pictures.

At least I did invite her to play with us.

She did for a little bit but the other kids pushed her back and she went away and sat in the shade and watched. We played all kinds of games and she watched. I fell and wrenched my knee hard but I got up and kept playing because you know, that's who I was.

And then I said goodbye and she gave me a hug and went and sat in the shade and watched me go away. And I didn't come back because on the goodbye day I'd finally gotten to work with the guy I had a crush on and no, they didn't really need me on the job, but I sure wasn't going to leave, just to say goodbye to just one little girl who wanted to sit in the shade and take pictures.

"That little girl with the sticker?" said G later, "I think she's kinda left out. I think they pick on her a bit."

And I didn't say much but a bit of guilt pricked at my stomach and maybe my knee ached a bit more. Maybe it still aches a bit.

So whenever that knee hurts I remember the little girl in the shade--so much like the bigger little girl who she wanted to sit with--and I remember to make time to sit with the little girls and the little boys and the bigger girls and boys who are still little inside. To make time to take pictures and give hugs and jump rope and twirl them around in the air, to lock eyes with them and tell them I love you. And so does He. To make time to make a big deal about a sentence or a crayon scribble or a math problem done badly beautifully.

And someday if I ever find that little girl again, I'll squeeze her tight and hand her my camera. And we'll just sit in the shade and take pictures. Maybe all day.

"Only Believe."

Teva'd feet on moonlit grass...

Memorizing and avoiding the "ant trails"...

Scurryings in palm trees...

River lapping on the shore...

Gentle jungle breeze playing around the rooftops...

That's what full moons (even here in Tennessee) remind me of. 

Peru...why is my heart still there, five years later, when my friends have come back Stateside and there is no apparent way for me to get there? I have made mistakes, no two ways about it; but have those mistakes barred every way there? Lord, don't let it be so!

I drove home from the barn on Thursday night and the almost-full "supermoon" was hanging large over the hay fields. I wasn't even consciously praying--just tossing questions and thoughts around in my mind--when of a sudden I remembered the story we had just read for family worship. Jairus. 

(Mark 5 if you want to read the whole thing.)

But mostly it was verse 36 that God brought home to my lonely, confused, and baffled little heart: 

"...overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, 'Do not fear; only believe.'"

They said it was impossible. She is dead. Don't trouble the Teacher any more. You've already made enough of a fool of yourself. 

But He said, "Only believe." 

Only believe. 

And so I do.

Power of Praise

I'm walking up the (endless, it seems) 144 stairs to work (yes, I counted them!) wondering why the day is turning out not-so-great.

There's no reason for having a less-than-great day. It's sunny, it's summer, I have a great job, I have a great horse, a great family, a really pretty awesome life. And I don't mean that as cheesy--it's true! But

When it strikes me suddenly that this week, I've no longer been counting blessings.

Do five bullet points a day really make that big a difference?

So I begin right then--Thank You for the roses over there. For fresh green baby ivy shoots. For summer clouds. For foggy morning. 

For full-time work. Chance to serve principals from all over the country. Dew on grass blades. Purple spikey flowers...

And do you know (call it cheesy but it's true!), the day turns around!

I Will Go

A friend shared this song on Facebook and I have promptly fallen in love with it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! May we all be willing to go "where there are no easy roads" for Him!

He Went

It wasn't that they didn't try. Oh no. They had tried--everything. And as a last attempt, when all else was hopeless, when the doctors had shaken their heads and gone away quietly, her father put on his coat and left.

He slipped out quiet, and no one saw him leave.

He'd never thought he would do this. Not in public. It would be a disgrace if anyone saw--and see they would. Because the new rabbi always had crowds following. He heard them before he saw them--the shouts of joy, of request, the children squealing, the shuffling of feet--but he kept on going. The people part to let him through, murmuring yet respectful.

The leader of the synagogue comes face to face with the Leader of all.

Jairus falls on his knees in desperation. Leaders of the synagogue don't do that. But this one does. "Come and lay your hands on her, so that she may be healed and live!"he begs (Mark 5:23).

"And He went with him." (vs. 24)

So many things He could have done. So many things He could have said. Perhaps the disciples wonder why Jesus doesn't take the perfect opportunity to teach this rabbi a lesson. Don't refuse to heal the daughter, of course...just put a condition on it. Sure, I'll heal your daughter, if you will promise to keep the other leaders from harassing Me.

But there are no conditions. There is only a request. And an answer.

He goes with him.

And she is made alive.

A Question for Friday Night

And if I had nothing but God...

Would I let Him be enough?

Everyday II: The Quiet Life

God has really been working on my heart since--well, ever since spring break, which was in late February/early March, I believe! There is a huge potential opportunity coming up, that I can't share with you all because it's far from solid yet (your prayers for God's guidance are appreciated, though!), and when it comes, if it comes, there will be a lot of excitement, a lot of terrified-ness (what's the word for that anyway?), a lot of technical details, and a lot of trust and faith in God needed!

But in the meantime I'm sitting here working at my little desk in my corner of the world. Unlike my friends, I'm not doing literature evangelism, Bible work, health evangelism, camp ministry, preaching evangelistic series, getting married, traveling the nation on a honeymoon, or anything else that anyone might see as doing "hard things" for God.

Can God use quiet lives, uninspiring events? If you question that, why don't we look to the first 30 years of Jesus' life on earth? After His birth, we only have one or two sentences surrounding three decades.

The most important thing? I think can be summed up in this quote (something of a life goal for me):

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every circumstance you know to be the will of God." (Jim Elliot)

Every Day

It's been my routine almost a full year now--every day after the hectic school and work and everything-else schedule, I drive out to see, feed, groom, and (sometimes) ride my horse, a.k.a. my Best Buddy (or just River). He's the biggest and best gift God could've given me for this last year, by the way. :) (And the most expensive, but God provides!)

But today we had good old-fashioned Tennessee "gully-washer" thunderstorms and therefore I didn't go see my best friend. He'll survive; in fact he's probably perfectly happy with his grass.

I, on the other hand, am already regretting it. Why? Well ... because it's my "reset" from the day. And because I miss him. Even just one day, I miss that connection that only really happens when you're there, together. I can think about him all day long but it's not the same as being there, even if we have a rough day.

Tonight, missing my Buddy (but knowing I'll go see him tomorrow), I'm thinking--do I recognize my need of just being there, together with God? Even if it's a rough day and I just don't "feel" like I'm connecting with Him?

The Faithful

Thought today I would share a poem I wrote quite a while ago. The first stanza is from Steve Green's song "The Faithful"; the rest is mine. :)

In dark filthy places

Forsaken

Forgotten

Our brothers and sisters

Are paying the price

They will not deny Him

to purchase

their freedom

These are the Faithful

The martyrs of Christ

They’re tortured

and beaten

And finally their voices

Fall silent at last

Unseen

Unknown

and Silence reigns again

From under the altar

Their blood is outcrying

How long, Lord?

How long till my people

Will again hear Your voice?

Who will come to

Raise Your banner?

How long Lord

How long till our

Torch of truth can

Be passed on

How long Lord?

Looking Up

My taking my Praxis (teacher professional) exams this summer has confused a lot of my non-teaching friends. We have to take and pass Praxis before our senior year; they assume I must be done if I'm taking professional exams. As a result, I'm getting asked one question a lot:

"Where are you going when you graduate?"

And where, indeed? There are any number of positions--this year, at least. I've already been all but formally invited to teach in three separate conferences. Then there are my friends overseas; at least two of them have also invited me to come, provided a place opens up.

So far I have one answer: "I don't know."

Followed by: "I'm praying God will make it very clear, 'cause I just want to go where He wants me to!"

A cop-out? Perhaps some would think so. I know some of my extended family is still hoping I will start making more concrete plans! But I see no other way. I went into teaching to be "on the ground" in mission work, and how can you be a missionary if you're not following where God leads?

I have a little mental image I use to remember how I'm choosing to go about life these days (I'm a very visual person!): I envision myself walking in the desert, my eyes upward and my hands raised and open--looking and waiting for God's leading, voice, and yes, His gifts too (he loves to give them!). Honestly? It's exciting. I can't wait to be able to look back and see exactly how He guided everything and fit everything together. It's going to be amazing!

I'll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,
O'er mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what You want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what You want me to be!

Thoughts: All Things

Smokies viburnum

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Notice it doesn't say that all things are good.

It says all things work together for good. In the end, all will be right. In the meantime, things might be downright rough.




But God will use them all. He gives us all freedom to make foolish and sometimes outright stupid choices--then He weaves them all around to make a story so grand that we would never choose something else if we could truly see the whole picture.

That is amazing.

Just Shine

Image from Wikipedia

It's Thursday night, 8:00, and I am walking into the dusky woods behind my house with four intrepid friends. We all carry lights, but we don't turn them on. Slowly the leftover sunlight disappears. Slowly the night gets darker. The ravines turn black. The trail is felt rather than seen. Owls hoot in the distance.

And the fireflies come out.

At first I'm not sure what's causing it. I'm walking along the trail when suddenly a leaf on the ground lights up, neon-green. I dismiss it at first--until I see another. And another. And a log with two or three bright-glowing lights, like greenish flashlights in the now-dark woods. We all stop and we stare; these tiny bugs, as small as a pencil lead, are lighting up the entire forest. Catch a dozen, and you have a flashlight.

I'm thinking--what is bright is only seen in the darkness. Only in darkness. And you rarely see what's causing the light. I can't see the firefly, but I sure see the light it gives.

We are His lamps, to shine where He shall say;
And lamps are not for sunny rooms,
Or for the light of day,
But for dark places of the earth,
Where shame and wrong and crime have birth;
Or for the murky twilight gray,
Where wandering sheep have gone astray; 
Or where the lamp of faith grows dim,
And souls are groping after Him.
And so sometimes we find a flame,
Clear shining through the night--
So dark we cannot see the lamp, but only see the light.
May we so shine--His love the flame--
That men may glorify His name.
--R.J. Flint

Am I shining? If so, where? Am I trying to shine in a place that is completely irradiated with sunlight, where people can see me--or am I willing to go to the dark places, where they will see the Light in me...but probably never (I hope never) see me?

Returned

Just a quick post to say I am still alive, the kiddos didn't eat me! :)

Really it was an amazing experience, totally confirmed my call to kids' ministry. God has given me the biggest passion for the salvation of HIS children, it's amazing. Love it. They're exhausting and wearing and teaching and working with them takes every bit of me and then some, but He came through and is still coming through every time. I can't wait to see where He's going to put me!

This summer is going to be fairly relaxed, at least on paper it looks like that. I'm taking my Praxis exams (teacher professional exams) in less than a month, and then I have the rest of the time to work in the office, read, write, and enjoy my last summer as a college student. Praying about opportunities for ministry throughout the summer, though. I don't want to stop just because there aren't continued opportunities through the college!

Anyway, hopefully I will have more time and more coherent thoughts to blog about over the summer. We will see. :)

Teacher Diaries: Starts Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is our first day of intensives! It's supposed to be super rainy and windy so please pray we don't blow/wash away on our way down there!

Nervous, but can't wait to meet the kids and get started--at least it's not our first time at this school, or in longer-term placements. It will be my first long-term time in a multi-grade placement since freshman year (and freshman year was 2nd-8th grade), so that will be interesting. One step closer to where I really believe God's calling me--hopefully it'll confirm that even more. :) One way or another, He continues to guide. :)

To Decrease

I keep trying to write this post and it keeps not coming together. Perhaps now, proctoring a test for the next hour and 15 minutes (love my job!), I'll be able to make it sound coherent...

Remember John the Baptist? How when his disciples came to him complaining,“Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—look, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him" (John 3:26), John's response wasn't anything like what we I would have given... "He must increase, but I must decrease." (vs. 30)

Because I mean, you think about it. Do I like to decrease? In anything? I can't handle decreasing sleep, let alone something more "major."

But anyways (says the part that likes to avoid) John was talking about Jesus--God, really. Aren't we supposed to have Jesus increase in our lives?

Well yes...but also...take a look at this verse...

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich." (2 Cor. 8:9)

Jesus (our Example right?) had the same attitude His cousin did. Only, He decreased for our sakes.

People's sakes. Humanity's sake.

So shouldn't I?

Teacher Diaries: Countdown

So. Six days from today I'll be starting long-term intensive placements!

Intensives is a three-week period during the infamous "Methods Block" in which all of us elementary majors spend all day, four days a week (Fridays are debrief day), in pairs in K-4 classrooms. My friend S and I will be going downtown to a little multi-grade school in an urban area and spending the time in their grades 1-4 room!

I'm feeling super excited and encouraged as I have wanted to teach multi-grade for a long time and this will be my second long-term multi-grade placement! I am really feeling God's encouragement and leading in this and can't wait to see how it turns out! Hope to write down some of what happens so I can remember. Tomorrow is orientation day, so I'll probably be writing about that later. :)

Who You Are

I look at the e-mail, smile--and cringe inwardly. It's the same old thing.

"You write such good lesson plans. You are planning so well. Your ideas are so good." On and on and on...

I don't do well when people praise me. I don't like it. Oh it's good for a minute, but the aftertaste is bitter. Being told I did a good job, a great job, or the best job is like eating potato chips when I'm hungry--I just need one more, one more, one more. And there is a pressure that if I don't do at least that good next time, I won't be appreciated any more. Praise, for me, creates an inability to fail that is nearly stifling. Just sit with me, ask me questions, be interested in my answers--show that you like me for who I am. Don't praise me for what I do.

So I look at the e-mail, tuck it away in a folder in case I need a reference, and try to convince myself that my teacher really means that she likes me. But that is hard to do.

Thinking this morning, in prayer group--how often do I just appreciate God for who He is?

Progression: A Little Story

Last snowfall of winter; now it's 70 degrees! :)

Maybe I should give a little background to the resurrection of this blog...

Almost exactly four years ago, February 26 of 2010, I stood on a beach in Lima, Peru, and God called me to missions--a call later reinforced by His Word, by friends, by family. That call--and His ongoing guidance--led me to change my major from communications to teaching; led me to plan on going overseas at some point or another; led me to be open to whatever He had in mind.

By a year and a half ago, I was questioning everything spiritual, everything Christian. The call was forgotten, overseas no longer really an option, God's will something I only occasionally played around with the thought of.

What changed? I thought I could. 

"Could" do a lot of things. Could be a top-notch teacher. Could be a star student. Could have everyone like me, everyone be my friend. Could...could...could...

By the end of last semester, by Christmas, I had decided that I wasn't willing to give up on God yet (the most important thing) and I'd also come face-to-face with the reality that I couldn't do any of those things I'd thought I could. That was the first step.

Then God brought me full circle, back to where we'd started. To what He'd asked me to do in the first place. To follow His dreams, to let them become my own. Because, how does it profit me to gain the whole world but lose my soul?

This time, my answer is yes. Yes, and yes.

Audio Adrenaline "Kings and Queens"

Love this song, love this video. That's all.

Heart Changes

Last week we taught a lesson plan, two other classmates and I.

It was an awesome lesson plan, and it went near perfectly, but the big thing that really happened was that I realized something major, something I have been struggling with ever since I started the education program.

I AM called to kids. 

I haven't been sure of that for three years--now, I am. And right now, those "kids" equal teaching. I am so grateful to know that. But someday? Well...

Tonight I am reading this article, and it was written two days ago and I haven't read it yet because too busy. Or maybe because God let me wait. Because I couldn't have read it at a better time. I'm trying not to cry.

I want that. I want those kids. I want overseas again. I love it--so much I love it.

I have no earthly idea how it will ever work out. I have big responsibilities here--I have a horse, for goodness' sakes--how am I ever going to get to Guatemala--or Peru--or Dominican Republic--or China--or Ireland--or Taiwan--or--

I don't know. But I know God's got a plan, and He's putting it back on my heart right now, and the best way to get me to do something for the long haul is to take me away from it a while and then head me back into it. I don't know if that's what He's doing right now, or if He's just trying to get my focus back where it needs to be here.

Heart changes are tough. But right now, it's also the proverbial cold water on a hot day.

Homeschoolers Teach!

I feel like that should be the real title of this blog. Maybe I will change it lol.

It seems that there are a remarkable number of homeschool kids in the education world. We don't overwhelm the department or anything, but I wouldn't expect homeschooled students (who enjoyed it!) to go into traditional education--but we do!

In fact I have another K-10th homeschooled girl in my class, and another one who was homeschooled just through kindergarten. We shall call the first one Liz (not her real name) and she and I hang out a lot. Mostly because we understand and enjoy each other's corny homeschooler jokes, plus we're of very similar personalities and teaching styles, so we get along well. I spend a lot of time with the other one too (we'll call her B) but we are more opposite personalities, lol.

So as I resurrect this blog I think I will do so in the name of being real, of talking about school and homeschool and college and teaching and teacher preparation. Of what it's like really, and of course how all this plays into God's call in my life and working for His children (which of course, is the current title...oh decisions).

Me + Lesson Plans = Error, So....???

I have this difficulty.

I am very bad at adapting existing lesson plans.

I know this is bad, because what am I going to do when I'm out there in the real world, come up with all my stuff from my head?! Surely not.

Or maybe so. I swear I'm not THAT much of an overachiever, so most likely when I get Out There, my crazy brain will take it down a notch and I'll be able to use someone else's stuff. But in the meantime, anything "someone else" is 95% unusable.

Ugh.

I'm hoping to be posting some of my lesson plans/ideas on here, in case anyone else has a mind like mine and likes my ideas. Feel free to steal. :)