Real Life: From the Diaries: Surrender

Bit of a long post today but I'm just putting this out there in case anyone else stumbling across this corner of the Wide Wide Web finds it encouraging. Please don't anyone worry about me; I've since mostly worked this out though I know it will probably come back! Sometimes God leads us in very different ways than we anticipated--and that can be hard. Even though it's always for the best!

While coming to grips with the fact that I actually have a job now (wow), I’m also having to come to grips with the fact that, for whatever reason, that job is quite close. 2 ½ hours, to be exact. Which I have not been expecting. At all. And though it has very definite benefits, somehow it also hurts a lot more than I’d been expecting. I guess I still miss Peru more than I’d thought. A lot more. . . 

I know that here can be a mission field just like anywhere else can, and that the safest place for me is in the middle of God’s will, and that God has led me to northeast TN. I believe all of that with my whole heart. I believe He has the best plans, that He only gives good gifts, that He withholds nothing good from His children. I know all that.

I also know that experience Stateside often can translate into being a better missionary, that I will have the opportunity to continue my Spanish, that I can become an experienced teacher and missionary up there and learn a lot about running a school that will be extremely helpful if I ever go overseas.

None of that makes the hurt go away though. This is what I promised I wouldn’t do—but now I’m doing it because I believe God led me here. I’m not angry at God but I am confused. When so many people “out there” desperately need to know about Him, and so few people are willing or able to go, and I am willing and able to go, why is He keeping me here? Why? And it’s not like I didn’t try at all. I talked to two different organizations; neither offered me anything. One pretty much actively discouraged me from career missions at this point. 

I just miss Peru. Still. I think mostly I miss that call, that certainty, that sense of place, that coming home. I wonder if I will ever find it again.

I guess mostly God is just teaching me surrender. Ha. Surrender all ways. I never in a hundred years thought I’d have to surrender this. But He knows all the things I don’t. Which is a lot. ;) And there are many many many things I can’t see. I don’t know so much. And He knows it all. His plans are GOOD.

What I do know is that He called me to missions. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. That is what I can hold on to. That is what I can act on.

And answering that call means going wherever He calls, for the simple reason that He called me. And so I go to northeast Tennessee in July. Because He called me. No other reason is good enough.

Waiting: Part 1: A Question

Long conversation with a friend and "little sister" last night brought up a topic that I think isn't talked about nearly enough.

That being WAITING.

That is, waiting in a spiritual and emotional sense. I think we talk about physically waiting for things quite enough. :)

But we wait for a lot of other things too...

• "Mr./Ms. Right"
• God acting in a specific way
• Friends changing (for the better, we hope)
• Family changing
• New friends

I could go on and I'm sure you have your own list. The above is just some of what we talked about last night. ;) 

My question to you is this: Can waiting distract us from the bigger issues of life? If so, how do we keep it "in check," so to speak? 

Still Here!

Well I have been MIA lately. I'll try to update more often! Maybe!

I'm keeping very very busy pretty much. Student teaching is going well. I only have two more weeks left after this coming one, for my current public school (5th grade) placement. Then I'll have a week off for spring break, before moving on to my seven-week private school placement. This current placement is a "co-teaching" setup, so I really don't have complete responsibility for the classroom, but I'm still learning a lot and it is a good experience.

So I am in school or driving to/from school from 8 to somewhere around 4:30 every day. Evenings are taking care of my horse and then usually just crashing. For an introvert, teaching can be very draining--for an idealist and connection-focused person, public school environments are even more draining. So I am trying to figure out how to "recharge" in those precious before-and-after school moments. It's still a work in progress. :)

Sabbaths are busy 9-9:30ish with church, friends, Bible work, and more friends--Sundays are lesson planning and usually something with more friends, unless (as on this weekend) they're sick! :( And this Monday we also have the day off for Presidents' Day, so I'm enjoying the long weekend. I anticipate a snow day sometime this week as well, but we'll have to see on that one!

I also interviewed for and accepted a job in a little one-teacher school in northeastern Tennessee, so I know where I'll be moving this summer! I'm very excited and can't wait to go up there over spring break to look for apartments and a place for my horse, and attend church with "my" new people! Lots of changes but it will be good. :)