Everyday II: The Quiet Life

God has really been working on my heart since--well, ever since spring break, which was in late February/early March, I believe! There is a huge potential opportunity coming up, that I can't share with you all because it's far from solid yet (your prayers for God's guidance are appreciated, though!), and when it comes, if it comes, there will be a lot of excitement, a lot of terrified-ness (what's the word for that anyway?), a lot of technical details, and a lot of trust and faith in God needed!

But in the meantime I'm sitting here working at my little desk in my corner of the world. Unlike my friends, I'm not doing literature evangelism, Bible work, health evangelism, camp ministry, preaching evangelistic series, getting married, traveling the nation on a honeymoon, or anything else that anyone might see as doing "hard things" for God.

Can God use quiet lives, uninspiring events? If you question that, why don't we look to the first 30 years of Jesus' life on earth? After His birth, we only have one or two sentences surrounding three decades.

The most important thing? I think can be summed up in this quote (something of a life goal for me):

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every circumstance you know to be the will of God." (Jim Elliot)

Every Day

It's been my routine almost a full year now--every day after the hectic school and work and everything-else schedule, I drive out to see, feed, groom, and (sometimes) ride my horse, a.k.a. my Best Buddy (or just River). He's the biggest and best gift God could've given me for this last year, by the way. :) (And the most expensive, but God provides!)

But today we had good old-fashioned Tennessee "gully-washer" thunderstorms and therefore I didn't go see my best friend. He'll survive; in fact he's probably perfectly happy with his grass.

I, on the other hand, am already regretting it. Why? Well ... because it's my "reset" from the day. And because I miss him. Even just one day, I miss that connection that only really happens when you're there, together. I can think about him all day long but it's not the same as being there, even if we have a rough day.

Tonight, missing my Buddy (but knowing I'll go see him tomorrow), I'm thinking--do I recognize my need of just being there, together with God? Even if it's a rough day and I just don't "feel" like I'm connecting with Him?

The Faithful

Thought today I would share a poem I wrote quite a while ago. The first stanza is from Steve Green's song "The Faithful"; the rest is mine. :)

In dark filthy places

Forsaken

Forgotten

Our brothers and sisters

Are paying the price

They will not deny Him

to purchase

their freedom

These are the Faithful

The martyrs of Christ

They’re tortured

and beaten

And finally their voices

Fall silent at last

Unseen

Unknown

and Silence reigns again

From under the altar

Their blood is outcrying

How long, Lord?

How long till my people

Will again hear Your voice?

Who will come to

Raise Your banner?

How long Lord

How long till our

Torch of truth can

Be passed on

How long Lord?

Looking Up

My taking my Praxis (teacher professional) exams this summer has confused a lot of my non-teaching friends. We have to take and pass Praxis before our senior year; they assume I must be done if I'm taking professional exams. As a result, I'm getting asked one question a lot:

"Where are you going when you graduate?"

And where, indeed? There are any number of positions--this year, at least. I've already been all but formally invited to teach in three separate conferences. Then there are my friends overseas; at least two of them have also invited me to come, provided a place opens up.

So far I have one answer: "I don't know."

Followed by: "I'm praying God will make it very clear, 'cause I just want to go where He wants me to!"

A cop-out? Perhaps some would think so. I know some of my extended family is still hoping I will start making more concrete plans! But I see no other way. I went into teaching to be "on the ground" in mission work, and how can you be a missionary if you're not following where God leads?

I have a little mental image I use to remember how I'm choosing to go about life these days (I'm a very visual person!): I envision myself walking in the desert, my eyes upward and my hands raised and open--looking and waiting for God's leading, voice, and yes, His gifts too (he loves to give them!). Honestly? It's exciting. I can't wait to be able to look back and see exactly how He guided everything and fit everything together. It's going to be amazing!

I'll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,
O'er mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what You want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what You want me to be!

Thoughts: All Things

Smokies viburnum

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Notice it doesn't say that all things are good.

It says all things work together for good. In the end, all will be right. In the meantime, things might be downright rough.




But God will use them all. He gives us all freedom to make foolish and sometimes outright stupid choices--then He weaves them all around to make a story so grand that we would never choose something else if we could truly see the whole picture.

That is amazing.

Just Shine

Image from Wikipedia

It's Thursday night, 8:00, and I am walking into the dusky woods behind my house with four intrepid friends. We all carry lights, but we don't turn them on. Slowly the leftover sunlight disappears. Slowly the night gets darker. The ravines turn black. The trail is felt rather than seen. Owls hoot in the distance.

And the fireflies come out.

At first I'm not sure what's causing it. I'm walking along the trail when suddenly a leaf on the ground lights up, neon-green. I dismiss it at first--until I see another. And another. And a log with two or three bright-glowing lights, like greenish flashlights in the now-dark woods. We all stop and we stare; these tiny bugs, as small as a pencil lead, are lighting up the entire forest. Catch a dozen, and you have a flashlight.

I'm thinking--what is bright is only seen in the darkness. Only in darkness. And you rarely see what's causing the light. I can't see the firefly, but I sure see the light it gives.

We are His lamps, to shine where He shall say;
And lamps are not for sunny rooms,
Or for the light of day,
But for dark places of the earth,
Where shame and wrong and crime have birth;
Or for the murky twilight gray,
Where wandering sheep have gone astray; 
Or where the lamp of faith grows dim,
And souls are groping after Him.
And so sometimes we find a flame,
Clear shining through the night--
So dark we cannot see the lamp, but only see the light.
May we so shine--His love the flame--
That men may glorify His name.
--R.J. Flint

Am I shining? If so, where? Am I trying to shine in a place that is completely irradiated with sunlight, where people can see me--or am I willing to go to the dark places, where they will see the Light in me...but probably never (I hope never) see me?

Returned

Just a quick post to say I am still alive, the kiddos didn't eat me! :)

Really it was an amazing experience, totally confirmed my call to kids' ministry. God has given me the biggest passion for the salvation of HIS children, it's amazing. Love it. They're exhausting and wearing and teaching and working with them takes every bit of me and then some, but He came through and is still coming through every time. I can't wait to see where He's going to put me!

This summer is going to be fairly relaxed, at least on paper it looks like that. I'm taking my Praxis exams (teacher professional exams) in less than a month, and then I have the rest of the time to work in the office, read, write, and enjoy my last summer as a college student. Praying about opportunities for ministry throughout the summer, though. I don't want to stop just because there aren't continued opportunities through the college!

Anyway, hopefully I will have more time and more coherent thoughts to blog about over the summer. We will see. :)

Teacher Diaries: Starts Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is our first day of intensives! It's supposed to be super rainy and windy so please pray we don't blow/wash away on our way down there!

Nervous, but can't wait to meet the kids and get started--at least it's not our first time at this school, or in longer-term placements. It will be my first long-term time in a multi-grade placement since freshman year (and freshman year was 2nd-8th grade), so that will be interesting. One step closer to where I really believe God's calling me--hopefully it'll confirm that even more. :) One way or another, He continues to guide. :)

To Decrease

I keep trying to write this post and it keeps not coming together. Perhaps now, proctoring a test for the next hour and 15 minutes (love my job!), I'll be able to make it sound coherent...

Remember John the Baptist? How when his disciples came to him complaining,“Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—look, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him" (John 3:26), John's response wasn't anything like what we I would have given... "He must increase, but I must decrease." (vs. 30)

Because I mean, you think about it. Do I like to decrease? In anything? I can't handle decreasing sleep, let alone something more "major."

But anyways (says the part that likes to avoid) John was talking about Jesus--God, really. Aren't we supposed to have Jesus increase in our lives?

Well yes...but also...take a look at this verse...

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich." (2 Cor. 8:9)

Jesus (our Example right?) had the same attitude His cousin did. Only, He decreased for our sakes.

People's sakes. Humanity's sake.

So shouldn't I?

Teacher Diaries: Countdown

So. Six days from today I'll be starting long-term intensive placements!

Intensives is a three-week period during the infamous "Methods Block" in which all of us elementary majors spend all day, four days a week (Fridays are debrief day), in pairs in K-4 classrooms. My friend S and I will be going downtown to a little multi-grade school in an urban area and spending the time in their grades 1-4 room!

I'm feeling super excited and encouraged as I have wanted to teach multi-grade for a long time and this will be my second long-term multi-grade placement! I am really feeling God's encouragement and leading in this and can't wait to see how it turns out! Hope to write down some of what happens so I can remember. Tomorrow is orientation day, so I'll probably be writing about that later. :)