Sunday, February 3, 2013

Not Good Enough

Black swallowtail butterfly on tiger lily, North Carolina
I've written several posts so far, and they sit in the drafts folder.

There are words inside, but they won't come out. 

I'm not good enough for this. 

Not good enough to write, not good enough to put myself out there as having even a slight idea of what should be.  Not good enough to teach.  Not good enough to be entrusted with introducing kids to Jesus, for sure.  Maybe not even good enough to reach out to my beloved "half-Christian" friends--though I really can't help that--even my not-good-enough-ness is better than nothing in that case, right?

 I want to be better than this.

But I struggle with self-motivation, yet I don't do well with the pressure of being part of a group.  I can't improve myself, yet I'm too independent (proud, maybe?) to ask for help from someone else.  I want to be better, I want to improve, but I'm scared of failure and I pull back and decide not to go there after all. 

So the lines stay unwritten, the words stay unspoken, the blessings that could be given and received drift away like dandelion fluff. 

This needs to change.  And I think I know how it changes, in fact.

Because He is good enough.  He is GOOD, period. It doesn't matter how not-good-enough I am, if I will just take His hand and take His power and take His ability to...BE.

1 comment:

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

You are not alone in your feelings. I, too feel that way. So thankful that I don't have to be good enough - that I don't have to depend on me. Sometimes I have to be reminded of this though.
Great post.
Lisa :O)