my vision

(Tennessee wildflowers)

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night;
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my Light.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou my inheritance, now and always.
Thou and Thou only first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art.

Now and always, You be my vision, the source of my dreams, the Lord of my heart. 

heart

(image via Google, design mine)

it's always an unlikely time when truth hits home.  This time, it comes as I'm sitting in sun-spotted shade atop a big dapple-gray mustang, joining my riding buddy in good-naturedly trying to persuade our instructor to vow she'll never leave our area. 

"aw," she says, "but my husband's cousins live there.  And..." she pauses and glances at me, "well your family, I haven't seen them much, but they seem to really be a family.  But you," looking at my new friend, "yours...you know, it's like mine.  And they [the cousins] really are family.  And it would just be fun to be part of that, you know..."

she goes on and I listen and it's not like she is really scarred, just opportunistic as always.  But me...another matter.  That night I go home and I'm angry.  It's strange to feel angry; I'm usually anything but simply mad.  But now I am.  It's not fair.  It's not fair that I have a "real" family and she doesn't.  It's not fair that I have a "real" family and my other friends don't. 

God, it's not fair!  Why?  I'm no better than they are!  

the heaven is quiet.  I watch a movie Monday night.  Courageous.   A great Christian movie and a great story line, but just one part stands out to me above all the rest: the brief gang initiation scene.  There more to give a quick background than anything else.  And I find myself crying.  Because I know this scene isn't for real, but suddenly I'm thinking about the kids who don't have "real" family and more often than not, this is what comes out of it.  What about the kids whose family never bothered to care about anybody other than themselves?  What about them? 

God, why must your children suffer?  WHY?  

"I would stop it if I would," He whispers.  If it were the best thing.  If stopping it would stop it for good.  But that doesn't work.  He showed that to us in the Flood, that just eliminating the problem-makers doesn't solve things long-term.  Someday we will have all chosen, and then sin can be done away with.  Safely.  In the meantime...

i see a glimpse of His heart.  And I see a decision I must make.  To back away is unthinkable.  So I choose to go.  To give heart with no guarantee back.  To touch other lives. 

so.  starting full-time work for which I am very blessed and grateful, and I like the job and the people I'm working for/with.  But for a somewhat ADD individual, working 8 to 5 in an office, well it do take some gettin' used to.  :) 

riding still and loving it more and more.  Thoroughly, thoroughly addicted.  I'm quite sure I love it more now than I ever did as a horse-crazy preteen.  And that is pretty bad.  And I'm delightedly happy that way, just in case you wondered.

going to go on vacation in ten days exactly.  Fun times.  I just hope I remember to tell everyone who needs to know, before I disappear off the face of the known earth. . .

i'm thinking of a more thoughtful post.  Honestly.  Just not sure how to put it yet.  But in the meantime thought I'd say I am not dead :)

Random Inspiration from Finals

On a further random note, this is my 100th post!

Could it be You make Your presence known
So often by Your absence?
Could it be that questions tell us more
Than answers ever do?
Could it be that You would really rather die
Than live without us?
Could it be the only answer that means anything is You?
--"Could It Be" by Michael Card

I love his music.  Know it's old, I don't care.  :)  Good is good no matter when it was created. 

"Some trust in chariots,
and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."
--Psalm 20:7

Might seem this applies to finals.  Well it does, but really it hit me yesterday evening for a different reason, which perhaps someday I'll find the time to explain.  Awesome verse either way.  :)

 Le finals, they are done.  Walked home after donating my books (because I couldn't sell them, sigh), to a quick workout and shower and Bible study, so only now the reality of it's finally hitting me.  Only one more 4:15 morning and then a free week till I start my new job almost full-time for the summer!  No more classes till late July (I'm taking a summer class)!  Vacation in less than a month!

SO sososo sooo blessed I am!