(orchids in Florida)
I like people who are real.
Real people--you know what I'm talking about. People who just "are who they are" and if you don't like it, that's your loss. I think they're amazing.
The problem? I'm not really one of them. Oh, I'm getting better for sure, but it's taking a studied effort. I know it's normal to be insecure as a teenager, but I don't want to use that as an excuse. It's true--I had (and still have, somewhat) a horrible time being honestly who I was around people...if I were, surely THEY wouldn't like me any more. The real problem was that I generally knew what to say to kind-of-sort-of-not-really fit in when in a given circumstance. It didn't really work, I know that, but at least it used to fool me.
But what was really disturbing was that most people could see through my facade in a few minutes. Only those who really knew me well knew what was truly underneath, but most everyone else could tell what they DID see was only a fake. At least, that was usually the case when I was trying to "act right." Some people couldn't tell that I was just trying to make people like me, but that was just as bad, because then they tried to put me up on a pedestal I knew I didn't deserve.
I'm still recovering. I don't think I'll ever be able to be totally transparent with everyone--or if I ever am, it will be another miracle!--but one thought above everything else has helped to change my "try-to-fit-in-with-everyone-and-everything" nature.
It's what GOD thinks that counts.
If He thinks something is right--if it's in His Word--then it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. I have the freedom to do it without worrying about others' opinions. Far from tying me down with lists of "to-do's," God's Word is the #1 thing that allows me to be "real" about who I am as I adopt His perfect views and ways.
"I am quick to follow your commands, because you have set my heart free." (Ps. 119:32, NIRV)