Tuesday Thoughts

(Grand Canyon sunset)

So I'm sleepy and therefore prone to random wanderings. Should I apologize? Maybe. Am I going to? Not really. And if you want something "deep," I have it ready but haven't written it yet. In the next few days...depending on what happens...maybe. :)

Last Saturday night we had my last homeschool senior class social. In two and a half weeks we'll be graduating. I stood outside afterwards and thought about what a long time it's been since I graduated from eighth grade. Recently my parents have been asking--and I've been wondering too--did I do the right thing by homeschooling all the way through high school? It seemed to go quite well until about junior year, and then everything rather fell apart socially.

But you know what? I'd do it again.

Even knowing everything I know now.

No, I didn't have a group. Yes, I had to break two or three close friendships, and several not-so-close ones. It was hard. Very hard. But I met some of the most amazing people in the whole wide world. :) And I went on an amazing mission trip that ranks right up there with the amazing people when it comes to things I wouldn't give up! And I got so much closer to God. I don't think I would have nearly the passion I have now--don't think I'd be nearly so in love with God--if I hadn't had the experiences I've had the past few years.

DECISION (by me)
Once more I’m standing
By the water, but
Now those waves
Don’t call to me. Instead
I’m listening to a Voice
That has called me on before

I’m thinking back
to all the people
That I have heard of
and that I’ve seen
Who know no more
than what’s always been

And I’m thinking on
As sun sets and rises
and stars fill the sky
His call begins small
But grows ever stronger
Till I can’t deny

You made me
You taught me
And this is Your call
To leave what is safe
To leave what I know
And give You my all

It’s not going to be easy
And it’s not always fun
I know enough to know
that adventure’s retrospect
And trusting can mean heartache
There’ll be tears I know

But thinking back
And looking on
I can’t see
A better choice for them or me
His Call is now and I respond
Here I am
Lord send me

That's All It Is

(geranium growing down a wall in Lima, Peru)

Over the past two or three years, God has been leading me on a path of growing closer to Him in many ways. Just the other day I was impressed by this thought: There is one thing that matters above everything else in our Christian walk.

Absolute surrender to God.

That's all it is. "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 16:25)

I could try going into all the technicalities of this verse--but the main idea is, if I'm so focused on my plans, my ideas, what I want to do, that I'm not willing to lose it all for God's sake, then I will end up losing it anyway. God's the only one Who can take my dreams and hopes and plans and turn them into something beautiful. But I've got to give them to Him first.

It applies to salvation too. Do I think I can "make it on my own"; that I can save myself by myself? I'm going to lose out on eternal life. The only way I can find eternal life is by being willing to lay myself down at Jesus' feet and say, "I can't do it on my own...please save me!"

And that big long word "sanctification", that I always had trouble understanding? Same idea applies. "...[I]t is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." (Phil. 4:13) Sure, I have a part to play, a part that can be extremely difficult--surrendering my desires and wishes and wants to God so He can change them from what is natural (but wrong) into what is unnatural (but right). Otherwise, even if I look perfectly okay on the outside, I'm most likely prideful and self-centered--and therefore still quite sinful--on the inside.

Surrender. So simple a word and so difficult to put into practice. Lord, help me to surrender everything, every day, to You!

(This post is part of the Raising Homemakers linkup)