God's Call

What does a call from God sound like? Does it sound like anything? Is it just a feeling? If it is, how do you know it's God and not just your own plan or idea? What is God calling me to? I've asked these questions over and over and over again, at least since I was about nine or ten years old. Ever since I saw our church school go on mission trips, I wanted to go on a short-term mission trip too. In fact, I began to have a deep-down desire to not just go on a trip overseas, but to actually be a missionary. However, even though I was still very young, I decided not to tell anyone about this desire I had--I didn't want to be influenced by anyone else in my decision. So I planned my life for the United States...and waited...and waited...and nothing happened. I went on one short-term trip and it was not a good experience at all. But last spring, I decided to give it one more try--the church youth were going to work with my best friends in Peru, and I figured it couldn't be that bad.

I'll tell the rest of the story in an edited version of my after-the-trip journal entry.

"The trip was kind of tough until we got to [the town where the project is located]. Tough just because I’m not a city person, so Lima wasn’t really exciting except for the market, where I got to try my hand at rudimentary translation and buying skills (an absolute BLAST by the way!!! :D). That was the first reason. The second was that I started realizing that I was going to have to work hard not to slip back into my old routines of social dealings. [There were old friends coming with me on this trip that I had decided didn't share my values and couldn't be my best friends any more, and they didn't realize this or understand why.] Not being their best buddies wasn’t a hard decision to make—I’d already pretty much made it—but it was tough to act on—not to go and hang with everyone all the time. Because that’s basically what I had to do to make it clear to myself that I wasn’t back hanging out with them and doing the things I no longer feel comfortable doing.

"Thursday evening [second day of the trip, first full day in Peru] we spent on the beach. I didn’t get in; I hung out with my friend H and we took pictures. It was fun. We stayed to watch the sunset over the Pacific, and again I stood back a little from the group; I was just trying to let it be a personal thing like I felt this trip was turning out to be anyways. And while I stood there, watching the sun sink slowly between the fire-gold sea and the fire-gold sky, a pulsing yellow orb suspended between two worlds…I thought.

"I thought about what I’d seen in Lima, the houses stacked one on top of another, all the way up the sheer brown mountains, crammed together, dust over the city, tourists gaping below while people are living up there in those windowless, roofless buildings. I thought about what I knew of [where we were going] (though I hadn’t seen it yet), where jungle is right out your back door and people wash their clothes in the river, where houses don’t have walls and you have a really, really nice church if it’s made out of wood and has sides—where airplane or boat is the only way to get to most of these villages and the mission used to be closed because of Shining Path guerilla warfare and there are still hundreds, thousands of people in the jungle who have never heard of Jesus. I thought about the islands and the continent over that huge expanse of water—Asia, with all its mystery and charm and its beauty, the high mountains and lush valleys, the tropical islands where everyone rich goes to vacation, the temples and false religions that lure people for enlightenment and lock them in hurtful, sinful, degrading practices (just like here in Lima, yes, and in the jungle too). I thought about all this, and I watched the sunset. And as I thought this, and watched (and it was a very pretty sunset), I felt God calling me. I can’t say what He said exactly; it wasn’t like words from the sky or anything, but I know He spoke. He asked me to come back.

"I wasn’t impressed that He necessarily meant come back to Peru, although He may; I don’t know. But over and over this trip I was re-impressed that “this is where you belong; this is what you need to do.” So I have a new direction—I’m going into mission service. And I’m so excited about it…it’s nothing like planning my editorial career like I was. I just never could really get excited about that. But this! This! YES I’m excited! :D"

This is my call. No, I don't have the details yet. I may not for quite some time. But now I can answer some of my questions. A call from God is not necessarily a voice from the sky. But it is Biblical, first of all; it's not just a feeling. Mine is based on texts such as Isaiah 42:6-9 Isaiah 60:1-4, and Matthew 28:18-20 How do you know it's God? He will show you. He's big enough, He can make it clear! Whether He wants you to stay in the States or go to far-off lands, He will guide your feet! Don't we serve an awesome God? :)

...where did my time go...

I have been blessed!

--Little kids to talk to after work
--Fog and dew on the roses this morning :)
--The young gentleman who actually took it upon himself to open a door for me on Friday (wherever and whoever you are, you made my day!)
--High-speed internet at home so I don't have to spend so much time on campus!
--An awesome laptop of my own!
--Good grades!!!
--God teaching me to handle stress! :)
--A wonderful girls' group that's going to be meeting once a month!
--Too many exclamation points!!! haha

But I have no time! Haha. I really am trying to write more...I have all these ideas for posts, and they run around in my head all day, but I have no time to actually write them. Sigh. I will figure it out, I'm sure, but it will take a while. In the meantime, be assured I'm really not dead! :)

Busy-ness

Seriously, I didn't know life could be so busy. All of you who are still enjoying homeschooling and/or staying at home, continue to appreciate it! I'm here to tell you, it could be worse! :)



College is crazy. Life is crazy. My family isn't so much better than me--doctors' appointments and ankle and back surgeries for my dad, school and flight lessons for my brother as he works toward his goal of becoming a mission bush pilot, and all the work of keeping up la casa and getting ready for homeschool and...and...and... for my mom. Maybe other families have been doing this ever since their kids entered kindergarten, but honestly I don't see how they can!



Somewhere in all this madhouse, there's a quiet voice whispering:



"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! (Ps. 46:10)



Be still. How do I even start to "be still" with so much going on? I mean, I'm already getting up at 5 a.m. to get to work, and it'll be 4:30 once my regular class schedule starts. But it's important, somehow, to find time for stillness. Without multitasking, without interruptions (as much as possible). Time to "know that [He is] God."



How do you find time for stillness in your daily life?

Regarding College

So the first week is over. Classes are over, at least, till Monday.

And I am happy. My class is easy so far. I mean, multiple-choice tests for 25 points; how much better can you get? :)

Monday is the one-page, single-spaced book report. That might be the challenge. Or it might not be, since I have about 25 chapters I've read and I only have to answer six questions. We'll see.

In the meantime we are canning peaches tomorrow! Yummy! :) I have never canned or helped with canning anything before, so this will be a new adventure and learning experience. ;)

I am pondering a lot of ideas for the blog right now and we'll see where they go. Some ideas about posting on hobbies besides writing and photography, like cooking (!! love cooking!!), music, clothes/sewing (love that too!), maybe some other hairstyles, etc. Let me know if you have any ideas; in the meantime I shall continue to think.

College, Here I Am

I'm done with the first day of my first college class.

Well, it's an intense summer class, so it's a bit more info than a normal college class would be, but still I'm done with today. So I'm sitting in the library (should be studying, but I have the whole afternoon, right??) thinking about that.

It's the strangest thing to be here. Really. Really, really odd. I'm looking forward to getting involved...finding some ministries to be a part of...finding people who share my dreams and goals (if there are any out there, lol)...learning a lot. But right now it just feels strange. I don't have friends from my high school to hang out with. There are a few homeschoolers I know but they're not in my class. The others, so far, are not unfriendly but not really friendly either. I mean, no offense, but they're freshmen (I can say that since I am one); most of them haven't discovered real-life social skills yet. :)

Just kidding. Sort of. Most of them usually turn out to be great people; they're just all as unsure of themselves right now as I am unsure of myself. Which is why this post is ending up entirely pointless, except as an explanation for why I may not post very often for a while.

So welcome. Welcome to the random meanderings of a new college student. I will try to say useful things now and again. Really. :)

Popular Service

(azaleas after a rain in Tennessee)

It seems to me that serving your community, working for social justice, and helping others yourself or through a "middle-man" organization have become quite fashionable lately. It looks good on your college applications, it can embellish your resume, and it makes others look up to you and say, "You did a good thing! Congratulations!" In fact, as I was looking briefly at college scholarships earlier this year, I noted that service in one form or another is a major thing these scholarship-giving people look for on your essays and personal statements. They particularly seem to like high-profile service. Doing something unusual and preferably something somewhat earth-shaking, especially if you're a teen, gets you quite a lot of admiration--if not from your peers, then at least from authority figures and (everyone hopes) people with money.

The crux of this didn't hit me until I sat down for my evening worship one night, with a honors society "ad" sitting on the floor by my desk advertising "special service opportunities" as part of its package.

Suddenly I remembered something.

"25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. 26 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. 27 And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—'" (Matt. 20:25-27)

Something didn't ring true--not about the Bible's instruction, for that, though radical, was as thought-provoking and challenging as always--but about all this excitement about service in the world as a whole. How was it that the world suddenly seemed excited about the same thing that Jesus recommended? Don't those two philosophies have a history of clashing?

What does God see as valuable service?

Isaiah 58:
6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?"

I'm still thinking about that. Thinking hard, sometimes. I don't think God is after recognition in these verses. He's not talking about service we do for "fun"; He's talking about the "fast" He has chosen for us. Fasts aren't fun. They're about denying our wants for something better. Right here, it's talking about denying our own wants for the blessing of serving others. Not saying we can't ever do something fun, or that we're called to asceticism, to living in caves and eating moldy bread!

But I think I look for recognition way too often. What will other people think? Will they appreciate me for talking to the new kid, emailing a friend, posting an encouraging Facebook comment? Or for being here at home, taking care of the house, cleaning or cooking a meal or talking with my family?

But God doesn't care what others think. Whatever it is, He sees and He appreciates. And that's all He cares about...not what "They" think.

That's what I need to remember.

(This post is part of the Raising Homemakers Link-Up)

Summertime...

...and okay, the living's not exactly easy, but everything is so beautiful! I took these pictures a while ago and apparently forgot to post them!

Our garden's producing and we are hoping to can some tomatoes this year--finally!


Early morning's such a beautiful time for photography




Hope all of you are enjoying your summer! I am thoroughly appreciating my two weeks off between jobs and college. Being at home is a wonderful thing! :)

In Service

I listen to these really old songs every now and again. :) And the other day it was Steve Green--an old album my parents have had as long as I can remember. But it has some really good songs on it. This one caught my eye:

“I wanna hear You say, ‘Well done’
I wanna be a pleasing sight
I wanna shine a holy light
When I tell them about You
How will they believe the truth?

"Go and find your neighbor
Find a friend in need
Go and find the widow
With a hungry child to feed
When you help the helpless
That is true Christianity.
Whatever you’ve done to the least of these,
You have done it unto Me.”

Got me thinking. Service is way more important than just an added-on “nice thing to do.” It’s what shows whether we’re really God’s, or whether we’ve adopted the ways of the world and its ruling power. We’re saved by grace--that’s as true as ever. But the Bible also makes it quite clear that Christians act according to their name.

We’re to act like Jesus. Would Jesus pass by one of His followers who needed something badly? Would He pass by a “stranger” who needed something?

“If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,’ but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?” (James 2:15-16, NKJV)

For family worship a few weeks ago, we studied the parable of the Good Samaritan. As Christians today, who are we passing by? Who are the outcasts we’re ignoring? Who are we judging--if not aloud, then by our actions, the way we glance sideways or don’t look at all, our purposeful ignoring? Don’t tell me we don’t do it. One of non-churchgoers’ first complaints against Christians is that we’re judgmental. There has to be something to that accusation if so many people feel that way. How can we lead anyone to Jesus if they believe that He’s like they see us--insisting that they be perfect before He’ll accept them?

Who are we to say that we’re better than they are? Is it more righteous to put on a front and look perfect? God sees through it all--every last sin, no matter how minute it may seem to us, is disgusting and filthy to His perfect eyes.

I’d like to challenge you to join me in asking God to give us His heart. Has it ever struck you that it’s God’s heart we really need--and He promises it to us? Why don’t we ask more for His viewpoint on others? Think of the people we could reach! Will you join me in asking God for His heart of love toward others...especially the outcasts and “non-perfect people” we so often ignore or judge?

And while you're at it, please go over to Melanie's blog and check out the ministry she's starting. I'm thinking very hard about joining--if I weren't already going to be getting up at 4:30 for work this coming school year, I'd be there. Think I might anyways. Will you join us?

Dreams

(sunset in Belize)

So today...something happened. Reminded me of a dream I have. Not the kind of dream that comes when you're asleep--the kind of dream that follows you around all day and chews at the back of your mind and bothers you like a bored puppy and makes you stare out the window when you're supposed to be writing (ah-hem, lol).

I'm not going to tell you all my dream--not yet, anyway. They say, after all, that wishes never come true if you tell them to anyone. ;) Don't fear, I shall shout it to the heavens if it ever comes true.

Or should I say when it comes true? Because I believe...always have believed, really...that God gives us dreams for a reason, and when He does, He'll make them come true. Maybe not right this minute, but at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way. Mind you, of course, I'm talking about dreams He gives--dreams that are in line with His word and aren't just passing fancies.

"Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart." (Ps. 37:3-4)

It's hard to wait sometimes. Sometimes it's harder than others; sometimes I think I'm not going to make the wait! But the clue is right there--"Delight yourself in the LORD"--and then--"He shall give you the desires of your heart."

SUNSET (by me)
He goes down softly
In rose and blue and gold
Clouds blaze white
One last time, then
He sinks in darkness bold

But wait—while sun
No longer blazes in his might
On this side of
The world; the moon
Plates the gardens in silver light

And sun will come again—
That’s the way it is, you
Know, with sun
And moon, and
With your best dreams too

Suns and dreams
May set for God to mold
But tomorrow
Rest assured they’ll be
Washed fiery as burnished gold

Time

I am talking. Well, I am chatting. With a friend five years younger than me. We are talking about the movie Secretariat, which I have never seen and am only mildly interested in. But we're talking about it anyway, because she is rather obsessed with it and refuses to talk about anything else...until the recent engagement of a friend comes up. Being rather shocked and a little intimidated by the number of my friends who have recently decided on marriage, I'm slightly more interested in the engagement than in the movie, and we talk about that for a little while. Then she has to go. So do I. We say goodbye, part with "see you tomorrow"s and "talk to you later"s.

I always wanted a big sister, but I didn't have one, and only had an "adopted" big sister for a few years, until I was about seven. So now that I'm old enough to be considered "old" by at least some people, I try to be a sort of "big sister" to other girls I know who are only children or have brothers. I'm trying to give them what I never had.

(Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, and I love my "adopted" brother, but sometimes a girl just needs a sister!)

Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. Talking about (boring, but at least not bad) movies and other randomness? Is it really any kind of ministry at all? I could talk myself into believing that it's not...and then I remember the few days when, at camp or elsewhere, I had the chance to pretend I had a big sister for a while. And it didn't matter if we talked about random things...because I knew I could share more if I needed to. And that's all that mattered. Just the time together. I hope it's what matters to them, too.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E, they say. I believe that's true.