(dogwood flower in our yard)

So you know something? The past few months I have really been impressed with one thing especially.

I need to fall in love with Jesus.

More. A lot more. A whole lot, lot, LOT more. I don't think I can ever be "enough" in love with Him. Especially right now.

It's hard to focus sometimes. Especially when I'm at work...or at home and everyone is talking about other things and sometimes those things aren't very positive...they need to be talked about but sometimes it gets me down. I need His help.

This is my prayer lately...it's an old poem of mine but it applies so well...

WINGS
Soaring above there’s a swallow
Little bird but far above
The raging of this storm
It flits on wings
Aloft

Wild simple beauty
Flying up there
It needs no song or words
To make me want to
Soar.

Lord lift me up on eagles’ wings
Hold me in the breath of dawn
Send me through stellar
Galaxies till
I’ve caught the slightest glimpse of
You.

Then help me show
What You are like
Shine through me, illumine please
Each corner of my new-found
Heart!

Lucy Hairstyle (randomness for girls...lol)

So I have not had work today! Well I should say, I have not had paying work today. I watered the garden and helped around the house instead. 'Twas lovely. :) And since last night a friend came over and we watched Prince Caspian (don't ask my opinion, you might not want to know!), and one of the (few) really good parts was Lucy and Susan's hair (haha but it's almost true), I set out today to copy one of the styles. Since it was really easy. :) It's the first real "Narnia" style, and I noticed it first when the Pevensies and Trumpkin are rowing up through the canyon. But Lucy at least wears the style for much of the movie.

I'm sending you to a link for the first part just because it's hard for me to take pictures of myself. Part your hair in the middle, take a small section from each side, and do two mini rope braids. Keep going until you've done more than enough to go around to the back of your head. Then put a ponytail holder on each end and loop them back behind your head. Like this...
...and put a ponytail holder (or something more cool looking if you have it) where you want to hold the braids.

Then take out the other two holders and undo the "untied" part of the ropes. Redo a section of the rope "tails" as another braid. I believe it's a three-strand braid in the movie, but I did a rope because it's easier. And did a terrible job anyway...
Ta-da! :) Easy, and rather cute, especially if you can find something to replace the ponytail holders.

Anyways. Enough randomness for one day. I'm going to try to do some photography this week; we'll see if it happens. :)

Reality

(orchids in Florida)

I like people who are real.

Real people--you know what I'm talking about. People who just "are who they are" and if you don't like it, that's your loss. I think they're amazing.

The problem? I'm not really one of them. Oh, I'm getting better for sure, but it's taking a studied effort. I know it's normal to be insecure as a teenager, but I don't want to use that as an excuse. It's true--I had (and still have, somewhat) a horrible time being honestly who I was around people...if I were, surely THEY wouldn't like me any more. The real problem was that I generally knew what to say to kind-of-sort-of-not-really fit in when in a given circumstance. It didn't really work, I know that, but at least it used to fool me.

But what was really disturbing was that most people could see through my facade in a few minutes. Only those who really knew me well knew what was truly underneath, but most everyone else could tell what they DID see was only a fake. At least, that was usually the case when I was trying to "act right." Some people couldn't tell that I was just trying to make people like me, but that was just as bad, because then they tried to put me up on a pedestal I knew I didn't deserve.

I'm still recovering. I don't think I'll ever be able to be totally transparent with everyone--or if I ever am, it will be another miracle!--but one thought above everything else has helped to change my "try-to-fit-in-with-everyone-and-everything" nature.

It's what GOD thinks that counts.

If He thinks something is right--if it's in His Word--then it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. I have the freedom to do it without worrying about others' opinions. Far from tying me down with lists of "to-do's," God's Word is the #1 thing that allows me to be "real" about who I am as I adopt His perfect views and ways.

"I am quick to follow your commands, because you have set my heart free." (Ps. 119:32, NIRV)

Mission Monday: Mission Un-Focused, Part 1

“It’s Pastor C,” Mom said, handing me the phone.

“Hi,” I answered the phone, happy to get a call from my youth pastor.

“Hey Briana...I’m wondering if you’d be willing to be in charge of the youth outreach group.”

“Sure!” I said. “Umm...I mean, I’ll have to pray about it. But I’ll let you know soon.”

We talked for a few more minutes about what this might mean before Pastor C hung up the phone and I danced into the kitchen to tell Mom what he’d asked me to do. She was supportive, but “pray about it,” she reminded me.

“Of course. I’m going to.” And I did. For at least two days I prayed every evening about it. I didn’t hear any voice from Heaven telling me not to go ahead with the idea, so I called Pastor C back and told him I’d lead the group.

Three months later, disillusioned, with only two or three members still coming and no plans for the future, we put the group “on hold” indefinitely. It still hasn’t restarted, two years afterwards.

What went wrong? I wonder. Why didn’t God continue to bless the group while I was in charge? Sure, I’m not the most dynamic of leaders, but He could have blessed anyway...right? He could’ve done big things through the group. Why didn’t He?

A quiet voice whispers in the back of my mind. What was your focus, Briana?

Hmmm. What was my focus? Did I really head into this because I felt God calling me there, or was I flattered by the offer and excited about what *I* could do with it? Tough questions. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. But I can be pretty sure that God wouldn't have let it fall through if He'd had something He could've done through it. And maybe it was mostly my fault. He could have done big things, but I had almost totally lost my focus on Him. I was focused on the "mission" and not on my God. And what is a mission without someone outside yourself to do the mission for?

Focus. Mission, yes, but mission focused on God. Otherwise, how am I any different from anyone else who just believes in doing the most good she can do before the end of her life?

Next Week: Mission Monday--We'll keep delving into this issue that seems to haunt me, my family, and other people I talk to. How do we make sure our focus stays on God, no matter what we may be doing for Him? "Mission Un-Focused, Part 2"!

Unpacking the Great Commission

(Warning: Another long post follows!)

There’s something profoundly character-revealing about what people choose to say when they’re looking eternity in the face. Last words are often very intriguing, but have you ever wondered what God’s last words would be? Don’t worry, I don’t believe for a second that God is dead or dying, or that He ever will die. But we do have some of the last recorded words Jesus spoke while He was on this earth.

“So then, all of you go to all the nations, making disciples and baptizing them in the Name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And I am with you all for all of the days [every day, all the time], until the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:29, 20--my translation of the Spanish Nueva Reina-Valera [N-RV] version)

There’s just so much in this verse. It pretty much sums up everything we as Christians should be believing and teaching. Let’s break it down piece by piece for a little bit.

First we see, “All of you go to all the nations.” We talked about this aspect last week. We’re all called to “go” wherever God calls us. Some of us feel more comfortable at home, others of us believe we could do a much “better” work if we could just leave home and go to some “real mission” field, but all God cares about is if we’re willing to follow Him wherever He wants us to go, even if that means stretching our comfort zone in one way or another. It’s not for us to pick and choose where we want to serve--but “all of you” need to go “to all the nations”--the nation where you live, and/or nations beyond your country borders.

Then God asks us to be “Making disciples.” We’re not just called to get people saved. In some ways, just leading people to “get saved” seems easy compared to the arduous task of discipling them--teaching and helping them grow--in the Christian faith--yet discipleship is so important, as the whole Bible shows us. Some of my particularly favorite books on discipleship are First and Second Timothy (you just have to love letters written especially to a young person!). Paul touches on so much in these letters, pointing out things Timothy needs to “watch” in himself, and instructing him on how to guide others closer to Jesus. And have you ever thought about where we get the term “discipleship” in the first place? Jesus and His disciples! His ministry to them was all about leading them into a perpetually growing relationship with God.

What then? Then we (in God's time and way) lead those disciples to show their commitment to God and His church, “Baptizing them in the Name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Not just a cue for believer baptism (though it is certainly that), this verse also highlights the relationship between the three members of the Trinity. All three are important to us, as we can see in Jesus’ talk with His disciples in John 13-16, and we need to make sharing that importance paramount as we’re working to win others to God.

“And teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you.” Wow--that right there sums up half the Bible! From the Old Testament 10 Commandments to the New Testament’s emphasis on salvation and Jesus’ free gift of grace, all God has commanded is important! I can hardly touch on all the important points of what God has commanded--that’s a subject for at least a couple years’ worth of Bible studies!--but I will say that I've been extremely blessed by exploring indepth the relationships between God's Law and grace, what He's commanded and what He offers, and I'd recommend such a study to anyone!

Finally, Jesus assures us, "I am with you all for all of the days [every day, all the time], until the end of the world.” No, the end of the world wasn't last Saturday night. But someday it will come--and He will be with us until it does. In fact, He'll be with us afterwards too, but we won't need much reminding of the fact! :) We should be sharing these aspects with people, too. There's so much hopelessness in the world--even in professed Christians. What a difference it would make if we could keep Heaven in our sights and share our hope with others!

So there you have it--the Great Commission, and we only scratched the surface! Maybe we'll come back to it again some time. For now...

Next Week: Mission Monday Is there a right and wrong way to mission? Join us next week for "Mission Un-Focused!"

Mission Monday: What's It Mean, Anyway?

So with the arrival of my new Mac, I have a computer in my room (albeit no internet access)! Guess what that means? (Hopefully) more blog posts and writing opportunities! With this in mind, I’m starting a few new ideas for this blog. First up--devotionals on the weekends. Second-- “Mission Monday,” this new “column,” for lack of a better word (yes, I’m stuck on editors’ jargon, lol) on mission-minded posts and thoughts. Sorry if you get tired of it--you don’t have to show up on Mondays if you don’t want to hear my random mission-minded wanderings. :) But there is our introduction. Let’s get on with our first Mission Monday post.

What is mission? I know most of the time when I think of the word “mission,” I think of the word “missionary.” And when I think of a “missionary,” I think of someone who lives in the United States, Canada, or maybe western Europe (commonly referred to as the “first world”), receives a call from God to go to some developing country, leaves his home, and goes to live in that developing country, where he does...things. Missionary things. Yeah. You know what I mean. Right?

Preaching

Teaching

Nursing

Being a doctor

That’s missionary stuff--if you are in some “non-first world” country and are working for a church. You’ve read the books, or at least heard the names: Jim and Elizabeth Elliot, Hudson Taylor, Amy Carmichael. Those are missionaries.

But me? I’m not a missionary. Not yet, anyway. Maybe sometime later. I mean, I’m just a homeschool graduate, working
in a deli this summer, trying to keep my room clean (that used to be a fairly easy job!), helping out at home when I can. I can’t even get full-time work right now! I’m not a missionary, for sure.

Or am I? (You knew that paragraph was a purely rhetorical statement, right?) If you just look at the word, what does missionary mean? I’d be inclined to say, “Someone who has a mission.”

Do I have a mission? Hmm. Seems I do.

“So then, all of you go to all the nations, making disciples and baptizing them in the Name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And I am with you all for all of the days [every day, all the time], until the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:29, 20--my translation of the Spanish Nueva Reina-Valera [N-RV]version)

All of you go. I think that includes me...and if that’s not a call to mission, I don’t know what is. Perhaps I am a missionary.

No, I may not be Amy Carmichael today, but in a few years that might be me. I may not be Elizabeth Elliot today, but perhaps in five or ten or twenty years I may be called to witness to those who killed my husband as he was trying to reach them. And...if I’m not holding God’s standard high in my own life today, as I work with high school students, college students, adults, and the enormous variety of people I meet at my job and elsewhere, will I be ready if and when God calls me to something great?

I think not. I think He notices these little things I’m doing, just as much as if I were some famous overseas worker.

“He who is faithful in the very small things will also be faithful in more; and he who is unjust in the very small things will also be unjust in more.” (Luke 16:10, N-RV)

Even cleaning my room!

And doing my best with jobs I don’t like, either at work or at home.

And keeping a good attitude.

And focusing on God--not just what He would like me to do (though that is important), but Who He is and what He’s done
for me. Nothing like remembering that to give you a good attitude!

So then, what is mission? I’d like to suggest that it’s being ready for whatever God asks me to do, no matter how small or big it is--whether it’s mopping the floor or giving a Bible study, helping a customer or preaching an evangelistic series, talking to a friend or being the communications specialist for a mission organization. Because really, mission--my mission, and every other Christian’s--is being open and available for God to use me to reach out to others, whoever and wherever they are. Preaching or talking one-on-one, teaching kids in my church or on the other side of the world, working in the United States or overseas, at home or outside. Wherever God calls--that’s mission.

Next Week: Mission Monday-- What do the last verses of the book of Matthew mean to us today? Are they only a call from God to reach out to others? Or is there more? Join us for “Unpacking the Great Commission,” next Monday!

What a Week

We were in the middle of the TN tornadoes last week, and though our particular town and house were kept safe and sound, some of our friends lost their homes. Thus the sudden break in postings...all last week we were helping clean up, as well as hosting out-of-town company for my senior homeschool graduation, preparing for my graduation (it went well), and starting my full-time summer job. It was a thoroughly crazy two weeks and I am glad it's nearly done! Hopefully now I can get back to posting more regularly. :)

Tuesday Thoughts

(Grand Canyon sunset)

So I'm sleepy and therefore prone to random wanderings. Should I apologize? Maybe. Am I going to? Not really. And if you want something "deep," I have it ready but haven't written it yet. In the next few days...depending on what happens...maybe. :)

Last Saturday night we had my last homeschool senior class social. In two and a half weeks we'll be graduating. I stood outside afterwards and thought about what a long time it's been since I graduated from eighth grade. Recently my parents have been asking--and I've been wondering too--did I do the right thing by homeschooling all the way through high school? It seemed to go quite well until about junior year, and then everything rather fell apart socially.

But you know what? I'd do it again.

Even knowing everything I know now.

No, I didn't have a group. Yes, I had to break two or three close friendships, and several not-so-close ones. It was hard. Very hard. But I met some of the most amazing people in the whole wide world. :) And I went on an amazing mission trip that ranks right up there with the amazing people when it comes to things I wouldn't give up! And I got so much closer to God. I don't think I would have nearly the passion I have now--don't think I'd be nearly so in love with God--if I hadn't had the experiences I've had the past few years.

DECISION (by me)
Once more I’m standing
By the water, but
Now those waves
Don’t call to me. Instead
I’m listening to a Voice
That has called me on before

I’m thinking back
to all the people
That I have heard of
and that I’ve seen
Who know no more
than what’s always been

And I’m thinking on
As sun sets and rises
and stars fill the sky
His call begins small
But grows ever stronger
Till I can’t deny

You made me
You taught me
And this is Your call
To leave what is safe
To leave what I know
And give You my all

It’s not going to be easy
And it’s not always fun
I know enough to know
that adventure’s retrospect
And trusting can mean heartache
There’ll be tears I know

But thinking back
And looking on
I can’t see
A better choice for them or me
His Call is now and I respond
Here I am
Lord send me

That's All It Is

(geranium growing down a wall in Lima, Peru)

Over the past two or three years, God has been leading me on a path of growing closer to Him in many ways. Just the other day I was impressed by this thought: There is one thing that matters above everything else in our Christian walk.

Absolute surrender to God.

That's all it is. "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 16:25)

I could try going into all the technicalities of this verse--but the main idea is, if I'm so focused on my plans, my ideas, what I want to do, that I'm not willing to lose it all for God's sake, then I will end up losing it anyway. God's the only one Who can take my dreams and hopes and plans and turn them into something beautiful. But I've got to give them to Him first.

It applies to salvation too. Do I think I can "make it on my own"; that I can save myself by myself? I'm going to lose out on eternal life. The only way I can find eternal life is by being willing to lay myself down at Jesus' feet and say, "I can't do it on my own...please save me!"

And that big long word "sanctification", that I always had trouble understanding? Same idea applies. "...[I]t is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." (Phil. 4:13) Sure, I have a part to play, a part that can be extremely difficult--surrendering my desires and wishes and wants to God so He can change them from what is natural (but wrong) into what is unnatural (but right). Otherwise, even if I look perfectly okay on the outside, I'm most likely prideful and self-centered--and therefore still quite sinful--on the inside.

Surrender. So simple a word and so difficult to put into practice. Lord, help me to surrender everything, every day, to You!

(This post is part of the Raising Homemakers linkup)

Photos from Arizona

Here are some pictures from my spring-break mission trip to Holbrook, Arizona! These were taken on our days off.

Grand Canyon sunset


Plaque at a Grand Canyon visitors' center



Grand Canyon views (above and below)

Petrified wood at the Petrified Forest